1. Role Playing
Get out of the routine in your life and experience something fantastical. Most of us have fallen into a sexual rut because we assume a role that is comfortable for us. Experiment. Develop the parts of yourself that you rarely show to anyone. Pretend to be the person you fantasize you are.
Example: Pay him for sex and get exactly what you want. Have an elegantly wrapped package delivered to him at work, with note containing only a time and hotel address written on it, a hotel room key, and a $50-$100 bill (how much is he worth?). When he shows up, get him to do exactly what you have always wanted him to do. Why not? You paid for it. Or: The stern School Marm, The helpless slave.
2. Ramp it Up
Women have been told, to “relax”, to get in the mood, as relaxation is designed to make you feel sensual and not caught up with the stresses of life. This is a great strategy for those who are overly stressed. But you are more likely to sleep than slide all over your partner if you are not in the middle of a crisis.
The opposite of relaxation, arousal, can sometimes be even more effective in increasing your sexual mood. The word “arousal” itself implies an increased heart rate. Increasing your heart rate can help to increase your arousal. Research has sown that most women need physical contact to become aroused, whether that is a with a partner or not. Regardless, don’t way for arousal to happen.
Example: Go for a run, watch a scary movie, or watch a sexually explicit movie.
3. Online Fantasies
A healthy fantasy life can often re-ignite any sex life, help you feel empowered in your own sexuality, and offer more options in developing your sexual repertoire alone or with lovers.
Tips:
· Create a safe place. You both need to know that you can share what you like without the other getting upset. Fantasies can be very personal but are only one facet of your relationship.
· Negotiate with your partner ahead of time what you do and don’t want to share. For instance, you may feel comfortable sharing fantasies that involve your partner but no one else.
· Use the privacy and the variation the Online world allows for.
Example: Start off by going to an erotica website together and discover what you like. Move to more specific niche sites that suite your interests.
Or: Chat with each other, as other personalities. Sign up on Match.com or Nerve.com, fill out a personals profile and meet each other all over again. Develop a part of your personality that you don’t normally show anyone. Flirt, tell each other your fantasies, or have full blown cybersex.
4. Get “Nasty”
Allow your mind to wander to taboo subjects and explore them. Let them turn you on. Remember…..fantasy is just that. Just because taboo subjects arouse you does not mean that you always want them to come true. Example: You’d be surprised by what the “average” woman fantasizes about. Nancy Friday has compiled thousands of “average” women’s fantasies in “Women on Top”, or “Secret Garden” Get in a place where you will not be interrupted. Close your eyes and imagine the wildest thing you can imagine. If you are feeling at all uncomfortable, stop and give yourself permission to be thinking it (reminding yourself, “It is only fantasy…. I don’t necessarily want it to come true”), now resume thinking it. Refer back to sexy novels, or explicit images that you have seen. Play with your fantasies. Push them to their limits….this will help you to understand your own limits, to know “I won’t cross this threshold”. It’s all in your control. Play with yourself while you do it. Do it with a partner (this is a whole different tip).
5. Be in Control
One of the biggest mistakes many women make with sex is putting their partner’s needs before their own or being passive letting your partner make the move. Plan an evening of pleasure with you in charge. Push the pendulum the other way. If it feels like you have been overly selfish you are probably just falling into the equal area.
Example: Tell your partner that for the next hour you are in charge. For this hour, he has to do exactly what you want. (Another night you will return the favor). Start out by putting his hand where you want it to go. Enjoy that feeling. Now move it…. Do it with attitude. Put on your stern school marm tone and dictate exactly what you want done. Do what feels good to you. Please yourself.
DVDs to learn about taking control
Sensual Props
Bondage Props
6. Introduce Sex Toys
Sex toys aren’t just for your own private pleasure, introduce him to some shared fun.
Example:
· Leave a special toy on the bed prior to retiring for the evening. A note suggesting what you might like to have him do to you with it will ensure you get what you want.
· Order a gift certificate as a gift (even though it’s really for the both of you).
· Buy a sex toy that can be used on him as well as you. For instance, there are toys that serve as a cock ring for him, and vibrate against your clit during penetration at the same time.
7. Don’t Make Intercourse the Goal.
Agree that you will skip intercourse for the evening and indulge in watching the other play with themselves. This will not only increase the anticipation of the next day’s activities, it will also allow you discover the joys of the variations of sex without the pressure of intercourse. Incorporate massage, foot rubs, showers together or cuddling. Maybe you’ll both learn a few new tricks about one another.