May 31, 2012
Power Play for Novices aka S&M and B&D
Power play, S/M, sado-masochism, B&D, bondage and discipline, BDSM, dominant/submissive – there are many names and variations of behavior associated with this variety of sexual play. But there are also differences between these terms. Sado-masochism (or S/M) is actually a sexual orientation some people ascribe to in which partners explore sensations including pain while testing the power dynamics of their relationship. Sadism is the sexual pleasure or gratification in the infliction of pain and suffering upon another person. Masochism is pleasure derived from physical or psychological pain inflicted on oneself either by oneself or by others. The words are derived from the name of the Marquis de Sade, a prolific French writer of sadistic novels.
S/M may entail a variety of behaviors, including bondage and discipline (B&D). All play within S/M is considered a power exchange or power play (a more general term used by some). This means that play should be consensual, safe and sane. While those unfamiliar with power play assume that the “top” aka dominant calls all of the shots, the reality is quite the opposite. The “bottom” or submissive actually controls the level of play by using understood code words that limit the actions of the dominant. It is thought that up to 7% of the population consider sado-masochism as part of their sexual identities, however up to 50% of the population routinely incorporates milder (vanilla) type power play behavior into their sexual repertoire on a regular basis – be it forceful sex, tying one another up, biting, scratching etc. No type of power play is considered abnormal as long those involved in the action do so willingly and it doesn’t interfere with other aspects of their life.
It’s not just about inflicting pain either. Power playing can be much more subtle. Some play with their long-term partners, others experiment outside of a long-term relationship, while still others embrace it as a full time lifestyle. Some dabble in a behavior or two while others prefer to act out entire “scenes”. You can really make it whatever you want. While playing with sensation is apart of the process — and pain and pleasure are inherently intertwined neurologically, there are a multitude of levels to explore with the right person.
Power playing has become more mainstream in our culture in the last decade (notice all of the themes in movies and the media) but it has existed since the beginning of time. Because of this there are now many toys, books, and DVDs devoted to the subject. A little power playing can be just what the doctor ordered for a stagnating sexual relationship because it can shift the dynamic and create a healthy sense of sexual drama. If you’re looking for where to begin, start with a few good books on the subject.
Dr. Kat’s Book & DVD Crushes:
Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy
It’s ALL the rage right now. Read the book about a demure college girl and her billionaire boyfriend before the movie comes out.
Mistress Manual
Great book for hetero females looking to get in touch and bring out their inner “Dom”. The first chapters of this book deal with the psychological/emotional aspects of wanting to be a dominant woman or having feelings of dominance as a woman in society — the “nice girls don’t do that” debate.
Best Bondage Erotica
Get inspired with these devilishly delicious fictional stories of B&D themes. Whether tied up with rope or bound by a lover’s command, these authors probe the erotic spectrum of desire.
Carrie’s Story
Follow Carrie into a world of delightful submission. Well-written and you’ll learn a thing or two. Her plight is one filled with elaborate visions of costumes, toys, upscale slave auctions and regimented pony training.
Come Hither
A wonderful resource guide that can help an S/M novice figure out where they fall in the spectrum of power play. Come Hither covers all the basics and then some — including SM, bondage, spanking, role-playing, fantasies, cross-dressing and safety.
New Bottoming Book
Take a walk on the submissive side with this newly updated version. New sections on dominance/submission play, bridging the gap from on-line to real-time relationships, the four stages of a scene, and more.
Sensuous Magic
This title really explores how to use the multitude of power play accoutrements (whip, chains etc), while also breaking down the basics of why it’s so much fun. Emotional edge play and BDSM psychology are also covered. In addition to how to find the leather community in your area.
Story of O
A classic that never gets old. A woman’s slow seduction into a life of utter and complete submission is detailed in exquisite prose that effortlessly blends taboo eroticism and literary finesse.
Now learn from a little live action, thanks to these helpful and inspiring DVDs…
DVDs:
Nina Hartley’s Guide to Erotic Bondage
A mainstream guide that gives you just enough information to get started. Join your host Nina Hartley and her sexy guests as you learn the ropes.
And finally, when you’re all ready to start exploring those yummy sensations, it truly is all about the right tool for the job when it comes to S/M play. Check out these toys that will expand your repertoire.
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