Dear Dr. Kat,
Does a woman really respond better when a man pays less attention to her? For example, if I get a girl’s phone number and wait several days (6 or 7) to call her instead of calling her within 24 or 48 hours, is she more likely to be put off that I don’t seem interested enough, or is she going to have been thinking about it and thus become more interested? Girl friends I have say to call her fairly quickly, but the male response is to wait it out. This question has always bugged me because it seems like it shouldn’t work, and yet I see instances of it all the time.
Robby
Dear Robby,
The idea that there are “rules to dating” is a myth. You will find that depending upon the woman’s interest in you that her expectations of when you should call her will be different. I know it would be easier for me to say that there is a set time, but there just isn’t. Ultimately, it’s best if you can clue into your own intuition of the situation. Ask yourself some questions. Did you both seem to hit it off? Is there real chemistry there? Do you feel like you want to see her again soon? There will be times when your experience of meeting won’t be the same as her’s but it’s worth going with your gut. I believe that everyone (not just women) likes to feel wanted and if you truly feel a connection with her, that calling her within a day or so would be welcomed.
It is possible to play it too cool. And the old myth of playing hard to get isn’t really fair. If you have to “play” anything then you’re creating a game out of the situation – a fantasy and that isn’t usually how I would suggest most couple’s begin their relationship. Honesty is always the best policy and that means following your heart and doing what feels the most “real” to you. Which may be to contact her the next day after the date to say what a good time you had. Now granted, this doesn’t mean that you should overwhelm her with inappropriate attention. Let’s say, calling her ten times over the next couple of days or demanding that she should go out with you again. For as much as you are following your heart, being considerate to where the other person is emotionally is just as important. An important component of all relationships should be reciprocity. There should be a balance of mutual interest between partners. She may call you within a couple of days. Returning phone calls and actually doing what you say you are going to can grow the most interest between people. No one should be doing all of the work. A natural flow of interest early in the relationship has a better chance of breeding a healthy long-term relationship.