June 4, 2012
Playing with Our Vibrator While Visitors Are In the House
Dear Dr. Kat,
My husband and I are getting prepared to have a lot of family over for the holidays. The problem is that we’re concerned that having family stay with us will affect our sex life negatively. With my parents staying in the next room and his nieces down the hall we don’t know how we’ll be able to have sex the way we like to. Specifically, I have a favorite vibrator that’s pretty loud. Are we just going to have to “close up shop” for a couple of weeks or are there other options?
Full House in Santa Fe
Dear Full House,
The holidays can be a difficult family time — never mind the potential negative effects it can have on a couple’s sex life. This is especially true if an extended visit by family-members is involved. One can understand why some people do indeed just “close up shop”, as you say, rather than even attempting being sexual.
Luckily, however, you and your husband do have options. For instance, you can make a game out of having sex when family visits — regressing back to those teenage years of sneaking around! That can increase the taboo around being sexual and make it more exciting all round, but do be very careful, if you don’t want to risk getting caught. Instead, you might try locking yourself into the laundry-room, or perhaps have a shower together. Actually, all this sneaky sex can be a nice way of “breaking in” the other rooms of the house you haven’t had sex in before.
If you want to be a bit more formal about it all (especially during longer family-stays), then schedule a “date” for the two of you and treat yourself to a hotel-room for that night. I know of one financially-strapped couple who likes to find a seedy hotel-room by the hour, where they role-play like mad before returning to their families as if they had just been running errands.
If you want to keep it more low-key but do want to build sexual anticipation, perhaps you could put a moratorium on penetration and/or oral sex during this time. Decide to go back to when just “making out” was exciting and new. Give each other little pats on the rear when no one is looking, or run your hand up your husband’s leg under the dinner table. Even just writing each other sexy notes, and then masturbating to them, can be a real turn-on.
If you want to be able to use your vibrator without your husband having to vacuum over the sound, you might like to treat yourself to a newer, quieter vibe. Try wearing a remote panty vibe under your clothes and having your partner control the stimulation from up to 25 feet away, or get some discreet clitoral attention with a vibe that fits over your finger.
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