May 30, 2012

Dr. Kat’s Practical Tantra: Basic Techniques for Everyone

by Dr. Kat in Sex No Comments

It’s easy to be intimidated by what most people think they know about Tantra. That it must be some mystical religious philosophy that only Tantric masters practice. But you don’t have to be a devotee to Tantra to be able to apply some of the basic ideas and practices to your own life.

Why would you want to? Tantra can give you tools to help improve your own quality of life as well as your relationship with your partner. Notice I said, “life” and not just “sex life”. Granted your sex life might be the focus of your interest in Tantra but there is so much more to gain. It can help you appreciate your own body and spirit and aid you in connecting both the body and spirit to others.

Here are some suggestions for incorporating Tantra into your life:

• Be present moment
Tantra advocates getting into your body in the moment – not being caught somewhere between your ears. Most of us live the majority of our lives in our heads. There’s nothing wrong with intellectualizing but it is not always appropriate. Don’t think about the future or the past, what’s right or wrong. Focus on what you’re feeling right now. Notice the sensations. Follow your breath. Breathe more deeply. Look in the eyes of your partner. I guarantee you will notice a complete change in the energy of the experience. A change that is more worthwhile and fulfilling. It never fails.

• Focus on quality not quantity
Having a lot of sex is wonderful. Having a lot of sex that doesn’t fulfill you can be a waste of time and energy. Quickies serve their purpose but they do not have to be the norm. Make sure that if and when you choose to be sexual (or intimate, which may not necessarily include sex) that you are being fully conscious about your pursuits. Everything is to be appreciated and cherished. Try not to be focused on only penetration. Linger with your touch. Kiss places you’ve never kissed before. You might enjoy it so much that you’ll begin to look forward to what is o much more than just “foreplay”.

• Make time to connect intimately
It can be easy to allow work and family to take over your existence. Everyone seems to be working harder and longer to make ends meet. We forget what is truly important. So much so that it may be easier to avoid connection with our partners. But a helpful reminder is that if you are good about setting time aside to work and get family related chores done, then you should also learn to discipline yourself to take time out for yourself and partner. Consider it a hierarchy of needs. If you aren’t taking care of yourself physically and spiritually, then you won’t be able to do so with a partner. And if you don’t set time aside with your partner, all too often relationships just seem to slip away. Research indicates that for a healthy relationship partners should connect one on one at least 20 minutes each day. But let’s also not forget the importance of longer stretches of time – entire date nights or vacations alone together. Occasionally try to go above and beyond just locking the door and hoping the kids won’t scream for you from the other room. Find a sanctuary on your own and learn to linger. After all, it’s for the betterment of all of your relationships.

• Communicate
Again, we can be so wrapped up in ourselves that we forget to communicate our needs and desires to our loved ones. We also often forget to reinforce our partners with love and encouragement. Become conscious of what you are and aren’t saying each day. Are you not only living your heart but expressing your heart? Integrity is the congruity between what we think, say and do. Don’t miss an opportunity to express yourself in a loving way. Even when things aren’t as you wish, try to find non-violent ways to express it (meaning no screaming matches). Communication can help you fulfill your wildest dreams.

• See one another as the god or goddess you are.
Ultimately, if we all treated others and ourselves as the deities we are, we’d all be living much healthier lives. This is quite separate from living in ego and having to make yourself superior over others. I’m talking about seeing everyone as unique and special beings. Actually projecting yourself as one with everyone around you – especially your partner. The energy between you and your partner is mystical and everyone is capable of harnessing that. Commit to sharing you god/goddess nature – your true authentic self with your partner.