Posted at Jun 24, 2013 7:03 pm
Hi all –
Lisa Renee Jones and I did a big contest on Facebook and her blog. It was “Ask the REAL Dr.Kat from Rebecca’s Lost Journals” a question to enter. We had an overwhelming response. Hundreds of questions came in. Here is a sampling from the Q&As that I thought you might find interesting.
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Ive always been laughed at, cause im mannish. When I have good sex, I just want to roll over, well sometimes not even move, and go to sleep. Men aoways says , all women want to snuggle, talk so on, after sex.
Me… just leave me alone. You can watch me sleep.
Is that normal though, to just want to sleep? And not like other women , talking snuggleDr.Kat says:-
Not the general rule but not uncommon. There’s probably some hormone predisposition for it. Oxytocin is the bonding hormone released during the physical contact of sex. It has a very soothing effect which can lead to sleep. Nighty night;)
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Can a person have to much anal sex?
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Dr.Kat says:
Only if there isn’t enough lube, which can cause abrasions or if there has been so much stretching of the anus (this would take alot), that it can’t contract back to normal.
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My husband and I have been together for 26 yrs. I had to have a hysterectomy 13 yrs ago and now I have no sex drive. What can I do to get it back ? I don’t want my marriage to be over because if this.
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Have you spoken to your doc about the use of a topical testosterone cream? It can be a god send. Also, most women wait to become aroused. We now know the female sexual cycle requires stimulation. So start the stimulation (masturbation works too), and see if the arousal kicks in.
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Wanting to try new things with my husband but he seems to standoffish. I can honestly say after reading all the “great books” out there, it has enhanced my sex drive and has got me thinking of different “spicy” things we can do, but he doesn’t seem interested in doing anything new.
Wondering how can try something new without turning him off…we do have a couple toys but they are only for my sake, nothing I can do to him!
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Vibrating cock rings that have clitoral stimulators can be a great option. Everyone gets focused on. You can just do a search for them at Adamandeve. If you can get him to try that it might open the floodgates (so to speak;)
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There is Is there aneasier way to make anal sex less painful? Lybe helps, but just not quite enough…
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Yes, clitoral stimulation helps to reroute the pain/pleasure response, so keep that going during insertion. Also, doing some foe play with fingers or sex toys can help loosen things up. And you’re right…don’t forget a nice thick lube.
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I have a major issue with being extremely self-conscious with everything I do. From being in large groups in public, always afraid of being the center of attention in anyway, to even being nude in front of my own husband. It has been such a problem for me over the years that I skipped graduating high school on stage, the prom and even cut major parts out of my wedding to avoid being the focus of others. Partly because I’m seriously clumsy and have a tendency to embarrass myself but that isn’t completely the problem. But this issue is so great that it even interferes with my sex life with my husband. He’s adventurous in the bedroom, though not too extreme. I can’t seem to relax enough to enjoy my husband and then I feel guilty. I don’t think anything he has asked of me is unusual or even extreme compared to these books we read. But yet I can’t bring myself to do it. And worse is that he’s very understanding and never lays on the guilt. But I feel it anyway. So my question is… How can I learn to relax and let go of this anxiety to enjoy my time with my husband.
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What you’re experiencing is called spectatoring. It’s when we can’t help but constantly judge ourselves. In addition, I’m wondering how you also feel about your overall self esteem. I would also suggest exploring the messages you got about sex as you grew up. Sometimes they can be very hindering. You may find it helpful to work with a professional about these issues as it seems that it affects many facets of your life.. In the mean time, I would suggest you try some relaxation techniques and fantasy play in your mind first. Just insert yourself into Lisa’s books.
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I can only do anal sex sideways it doesn’t hurt as much as doggy style any advice on how to do it anal doggy style and it not hurt to much i tried everything and nothing works
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This common as sideways controls the depth more. When in doggy style, it is all about relaxing your pelvis. Your partner should go slow and use lots of lube. Plus it helps to stimulate yourself clitorally.
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I seem to only orgasm when using a vibrator or reading steamy steamy stories. Haven’t had an orgasm with my husband in ages. How could I convince him to let me bring in some toys to make the experience more fun for me and thereby more enjoyable for the both of us?
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You might find this article helpful: https://www.drkat.com/how-to-introduce-a-vibrator-into-your-relationship/
Also, try going online to shop together. That can be a sexy date on its own.
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After being separated from my husband for almost 8 years I am now interested in having a sexual relationship, will it be like a virginal experience? Someone told me that I am probably all dried up and no muscle left. What can I do to be prepared? Thanks
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Nah…the vagina is always ready. The PC muscle that surrounds the vagina can be strengthened through Kegel exercises and masturbating always gets the juices flowing. Seriously though, men do have to worry about “use it or lose it” and women don’t. The vagina is amazing;)
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What’s your favorite romantic place?
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Out on the ocean in Kaua’i on my surfboard at sunset with my hot husband.
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The age old question. Help me clear up a debate. Factually and physcially, does penis size matter?
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99% of the time no. The vagina expands and contracts as needed.
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What unusual sex toy do you think is the most popular.
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G-Spot toys are the most popular. You may see crazy looking rabbit vibes that are dual action and those are popular too. More recent,y under bed restraints are up there too.
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Is there anything I can do to help my partner who has ED?
I have the sex drive of me when I was a newlywed, LOL.
I just want to help, so we can both enjoy.-
says:
BTW Viagara is not the answer, we have to pay cash for them, they are not covered by my insurance.
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Before Viagra, I always suggest cock rings and pumps.Adamandeve carries them. Just do a search.
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tyvm
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My hubby is very shy most of the time. We’ve been experimenting with new toys etc but he still seems so pulled back. How can I help him take control in bed?
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He may be looking from more permission from you to let go. I’ve noticed alot of guys are so concerned with being PC and gentle. I say, try talking a little dirty. Tell him what you want him to do to you and see what happens.
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- I was in an abusive relationship about 5 yrs ago which took a toll on my insecurities an becuz of it i now have serious trust issues when it comes to men.. and havent really been able to date any one since… I have had lots of meaning less sex over the yrs an ive finally grown bored of it.
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Now I have a friend who wants more than a friendship but doesnt want to just have sex…ive known him for over 8 yrs an hes aware of my trust issues and says hes willing to wait for as long as it takes for me to come around. Which I think is sweet but not very realistic. ..right?? I do want to be with him.. but im terrified if I let my guard down with him history just might repeat it self or I might do something to push him away which ive down with countless other men… how do I change this??
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The Courage to Heal is a helpful book. You’ve got to realize that you are in self protective mode. You’re coping skills are basically overcompensating. Finding a way to be vulnerable again in a healthy way. It will be the greatest gift you can give to yourself. If you are truly attracted to your friend and ave felt safe with him to his point, it might be worth the risk. After all, you need to give someone the chance to break the fear you have about men.
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My boyfriend is very Dom, but loves to be the sub in the bedroom. He wants to have pain inflicted, which is fine for me, it takes me a minute to get into since I am very much a sub. I have heard him on many occasions call me his mistress- again I am ok with that as well- here is what I need help with- I want to be able to command him to do certain things but I am not really a Dom and really have no idea how to be one, I want him to be FULLY pleasured and I know the only way to do that is to say and do things that I am not use to. Is there a way to study this or find REAL references other that weird porn? Also- some ways to get around feeling silly while saying things like “you’ve been naughty” or maybe other things I can say during sex that don’t make me wanna crack up laughing! I guess I like to be pleased and he has had both subs and Doms and it is vERY new to me!
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Check out SM 101: https://www.amazon.com/Sm-101-A-Realistic-Introduction/dp/0963976389/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_y
Your concerns are super common and this book really helps address them so that you both get the experience you want.My question is really two questions. That being said I’ve never been able to achieve an orgasm during intercourse (and I really love sex LOL). The only time I’ve ever orgasmed is when my husband has used toys on me for a long time. Is this “normal”? Do you have any tips to help him help me? He gets really frustrated that he can’t make me orgasm during actual intercourse.
—Dr Kat, same for me. Never orgasmed during sex, only oral and vibrator. 30 + yrs of happy marriage, but would love to do this! Am I not capable?
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Ok this is a long one and I’m sorry in advance. My hubby and I have great sex but it never last long. Most times its under two minutes. How can I help him last longer or tips to give to him? I’m also struggling on how to tell him I want to try new things. Resently I’ve been reading a lot of things about spanking and I want to try it out. I’m worried that he will think I’m a freak. He play slaps and I love it. I just want it to be brought into the bed room.
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The idea of him lasting longer has less to do with mental tricks (like baseball scores, etc) and more to do with him being fully present. He needs to focus on exactly what he is doing and feeling. If he can practice this he should be able to delay ejaculation. Regarding the spanking, I suggest doing it to him a little during sex so that you are modeling the behavior. If he still doesn’t get it, guide his hands. I’m sure he’ll find it super hot.
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Thanks for some of the responses. That answered some of my questions.
I do have a few:
I would love to know some advice on how to get the my other half to last longer? And
How would you tell someone they need to “play” or get the slip in slid wet before sliding down it? There are times he just gets in too much of a rush to get going. I think that has something to do with wondering or worrying if the kids will barge in the room.
I have opened up and talked a little about getting some toys and a friend sent me some for a birthday gift but my other half just sits there and does not discuss it with me. It is like I am talking to a wall. How would I go about getting him to open up to try new ideas?-
Check out my response to Elizabeth regarding lasting longer.
As far as getting some sex play in before the main event, I think humor is always good and non-threatening. Joke with him that you are locking the door and throwing away the key so that you can have him at your mercy. Then guide him to what you want you to do. Most men find this pretty erotic.
Same thing for the sex toys. Tell him the toys are going to no use in the closet and that you owe it to your friend to try them at least once, then simply break them out. The first time is always the b
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