May 30, 2012

A Virgin Who Uses Sex Toys

by Dr. Kat in Sex No Comments

Dear Dr. Kat,
I’m an 18 year-old girl. I am a virgin and until my boyfriend is ready, I have turned to masturbation for sexual pleasure. I watch porn and try to take certain techniques from that, however I haven’t found my forte masturbation-wise. I haven’t any toys and am unable to buy them or in fact use them as I still live at home with my parents and would die if they found out. Any thoughts? Help please!!!
Yvette

Dear Yvette,

First off, I would like to commend you for taking the initiative to take care of yourself and learn about the wonders of your body. Research has shown that masturbation is a good way to increase self-esteem and gain confidence in oneself without being reliant upon a partner. When you and your boyfriend do have sex, you’ll find that you will be more responsive and orgasmic. It is especially helpful that you learn what works for you ahead of time so you can eventually communicate that to a partner. Many women unfortunately go their whole lives without the benefit or doing what you are doing. You are ahead of the curve.

Let’s get down to the practicality of helping you find your masturbatory forte. While pornography can serve its purpose in demonstrating some techniques as well as assisting you in becoming aroused, you may want to create other options for yourself. Some of the “techniques” shown in modern pornography are far from realistic.

Since it sounds like you might be able to have access to DVD watching, I suggest trying an educational DVD that specifically targets masturbation techniques in a healthy way for women. One suggestion is Betty Dodson’s (she’s the queen of women’s masturbation) movie, Orgasmic Women. The women portrayed in the film range from 21 to 48 years of age. They discuss how they discovered masturbation, frequency of masturbation, the length of time they take, and how masturbation affects their partner sex. They use their current techniques: manual or vibrator clitoral stimulation, with and without vaginal penetration. As a note, if you purchase DVDs from a reputable online store it usually arrives in plain packaging with a discreet sender name.

I would also recommend the related book if picking it up at the library is more feasible;
Becoming Orgasmic. The extensive exercises help readers learn about sexual response, sensual touching, sex drive, and how to get the most from partner sex.

Interestingly, if you desire to experiment with but are concerned about purchasing sex toys and keeping them around the house, the new book Make Your Own Sex Toys, puts a twist on the idea of being self-sufficient. Make Your Own Sex Toys is a witty yet practical guide featuring how-to directions for 50 inventive “do-it-yourself” accoutrements. Practical information plus easy-to-follow instructions and diagrams ensure professional results even for the crafting novice.

I realize finding the needed privacy to read, watch and experiment with sex in your parent’s home is an issue. I think with a little creativity and exploration into the suggested materials, you can happily bide your time until you are out of the house and having sex with your partner.